I haven't written in a week cause, well, I have been soooo beat. It's been hard and good and hard again. Yesterday was really bad, today really, really bad.
Yesterday, I was exhausted from getting ready for work and the kids ready for school. When I got to work all I could do was zone out and stare blankly at the computer screen. I tried to work and my right arm got shooting pains all the way down, randomly... then my back hurt worse than normal, my hands felt like they were going to explode. I got scared about what was happening so I went to the doc. The doc was nice and told me to take some advil to get through the day and vicodin to sleep at night. I didn't have the energy in me to tell him how bad it was, I was so agreeable. Geeeesh!, Stupid! As I was driving back towards work my arms were throbbing and the shooting pain kept coming. I started having anxiety about going back to work and hurting so bad. My anxiety got worse and worse so I went home, took a vicodin and went to sleep.
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. Got ready for work, got the kids ready... the headache lasted all day but my goal was to get the conference schedules finalized and the conference letters printed for each student... got that done! The sound of the school bell made me want to throw up... I moved on to the next project and started zoning out... head throbbing and shooting pain down both arms. Plus the regular back ache and leg aches. I started feeling super anxious. I started feeling nauseous, hopeless, my body started getting muscle twitches. I couldn't keep track of what needed to get done, I couldn't concentrate. The sound of the office banter was making my ears ring and the kids on the playground sounded so overwhelming. I wanted to die!!!! Work is working against me. My heart hurts. I feel like my heart is missing beats. I just can't take this! I want to feel normal. I don't want to hurt. I want to work and adore those cute little kids on the playground. I want to be part of the office banter. Instead I turned out the lights in my office, sat on the floor under my desk and breathed. I stretched my tight muscles and tried to relax. I was so freaked out that the way I felt would never go away. The breathing and stretching helped just enough to get me to 2:00. My headache was so bad that I just couldn't imagine how I could get through the end of the day... the bell ringing and the kids dismissing... the parents in the office. Uggggggggg! So I left at 2:30.
I am so glad I did. I came home and rested in peace. Trent came home at 3ish and he picked up Quinn from daycare for me (across the street), then Trent made some microwave popcorn and the two of them went upstairs to watch cartoons. I feel so much better to be able to relax in my own home. My headache is lifting but my brain is still in work mode..."get things done". I wish my brain had a switch!
Well, there is my update. Sorry it's crummy. It seems as all I do is whine and complain. :( So, I'll sign off with a few positive things: I'm glad it's the weekend, I'm glad we don't have any baseball games and we can sleep in, I'm glad my family is home and we are all together, I love my home where I feel safe (even though it is a pig sty), and I am looking forward to cuddling up and watching a movie with my man.
Have a good weekend and wish me luck! XOXO :)
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