In the Twilight Zone

It seems like the last 5 or 6 weeks have been exceptionally hard.  The weather is a huge factor and the kids being on summer vacation is another major factor.  I love the kids being home, but it is extra exhausting and challenging keeping them entertained, fed and teaching them their responsibilities.  It would be so EASY for me to let them run a muck and be happy doing what they wanted whenever they wanted... But one of the most important things as being their mom is to teach them how to be a good contribution to society by being independent, responsible and good citizens.  I feel that chores are the best way to reinforce this in my children, this way they learn how to take care of things and over time take care of themselves.  I don't want to send my son off to college and him not know how to make a meal or to think someone will pick up after him.  Ya know?  For the most part  my kids are very good at doing their chores... BUT this summer has been a major test on my patience.  My kids want to be lazy, they see me resting and they think they can slack off or figure I am to tired to reinforce their duties.  They want to do everything else but what they should do to contribute to the function of our household and the {starving} pets.  I am looking for a way to reinforce these life lessons, maybe take a different approach... I need to come up with a good plan that will work with MY fibro and lack of energy and the fact that my brain is in the twilight zone... Any thoughts?

Guilty as charged!

I was found guilty of speeding yesterday in court.  BUMMER!  First of all, what the hell was I thinking?  I am so NOT the Carly I still think I am.  It was a really bad decision to think I could go in and fight it.  I mean, If I were myself then I'm almost positive I could have plead my case.  But since life decided make my body and mind specially challenged I ended up making myself psychically sick worrying about the court day.  Then, while I was in the court room I felt so much fear, FEAR!!! What the hell?... My mind was telling me that nothing bad was happening or going to happen but my body felt like someone was going to bust into the court room angry and try to hurt us.  So frickin LAME that I can't control this!  So I was sitting in the seat waiting for my turn and all I could do was breath and talk myself out of whatever I was doin... then it was my turn and I FROZE up, I was shaking, my voice was quivering, I left out tons of pertinent information and then I started to tear up.  After all was said and done with the judge and the cop  I went to find out about my fine and the procedure... While in route with an anxiety attack I went outside to call my husband to tell him I had till 5pm to get back to the court to pay the fine... I told him all about it and he drilled me on what I said to plea my case... we had gone over it and over it and we were both confident... I could tell he was frustrated that I "shut down" and even though he didn't say it, I know he was frustrated that  I'm no longer the wife he married who used to be awesome at doing these things.  So, Still at the courthouse, off the phone but still in major anxiety attack.  I went back inside and sat down in the AC, got a tissue and drank some water.  The Judge and the cop were chit chatting... and suddenly I felt compelled to talk to them.  I told them I was sorry for being a wreck and I was experiencing a lot of anxiety.  The offered to call an ambulance but of course I declined... I know the whole drill with my anxiety... just ride it out.  Then I told them I wanted to make sure they knew that I was NOT crying because I didn't get "my way" with the decision, I understand and all of that is fine.  Then I told them that the reason I was the way I was is because I was in a situation last year with lots of police and SWAT and from that point forward I seem to feel intense fear that something bad is happening whenever I see police or authority and I seem to freeze up and have uncontrollable fear.  I just wanted them to know that I was not a cry baby because of the ticket... the "crazy lady" in front of them was out of my control.  Really the whole conversation took about 3 minutes, the judge had me sit for a few to calm myself (talking to them made me feel better) and then I headed to the bank and then back to pay my $227 fine!  It's funny because the cop actually pulled up to me in the parking lot and wanted to talk, he was super nice and said I should go on a ride-along sometime.  Funny.
After all that, I am fully aware that I am a total NERD.  Everyone who will read this will tell me, "I can't believe you did that" or "oh Carly"... I know most people don't understand why I do what I do,  in fact, I don't know why I do what I do either.  I just go with what I feel I need to do.  I'm not going to apologize for being me. (whoever "me" is these days).

Hokey Pokey Anonymous, a place to turn yourself around.

I feel like I'm part of Hokey Pokey Anonymous,  I have embarked a silly life of turning myself around... sometimes it's so painful and annoying that I just have to laugh.  I usually cry before I laugh, but really this whole ordeal is so ridiculous!
We went to Tucson last weekend to take my son to camp.  We decided to visit my husbands cousin (who's more like a brother) while were were there.  So we left Saturday, and went to the Tucson Childrens museum first, has a great time then went back to our cousins home to get ready for a special dinner.  We went to dinner at Flemming's Steak House, a very upscale restaurant that we could never afford!  It just so happens that our cousin is the Chef Partner there and we were invited for dinner!  We were treated like rockstars!  As soon as we sat down (no wait!) we were brought lobster tempura and seared ahi tuna, then dinner was to die for and chocolate lava cake and pistachio ice cream!  Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm, sooooo yummy!!!  It was such a fun outing for me and the fam!  It must have been all the Shirley Temples and Roy Rodgers the kids drank because both of them stayed up past midnight being super silly.  We slept over and got up the next morning to take our boy to camp!  When we got to camp we checked it all out and then said goodbye (sniff, sniff) and headed home.   I have been recovering all week from last weekends adventures... and already, tomorrow we pick him up!
... so like I said, sometimes I just have to laugh at how ridiculous this fibro ordeal is!... Hence: Hokey Pokey Anonymous.

Summer Camp

It's time to get my son ready for summer camp!  This is his first time going to camp and I am SOOOOO excited for him!  I went to camp every summer and if I had the chance to be a kid and do it again I would in a heartbeat!  I have so many great memories!  I am contemplating stocking him up with a few necessities not on the list of items to bring... like, shaving cream and toilet paper... those items were always necessary when I went.  Hmmmmm, should I? I will have to have "the talk" with him if I do... I'm almost positive he will be happy his mom set him up with the "extra" camp necessities... right?... Oh I am such a bad mom!  hahahaha!  Camp pranks were always the best!  Remember putting your friends hand in warm water and chanting "wet the bed, wet the bed"... I always loved playing light as a feather stiff as a board and getting freaked out saying "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary".  I wonder if the kids still do these things?... I'm sure, but I don't think I'll be teaching my kid light as a feather stiff as a board... I will teach him the best way to sneak into the cabin next door and TP it while the other kids are sleeping though!  Yes, just give me the "mom of the year award" now :) As long as nobody gets hurt it's all good!  Gosh I love camp!!!!! 

Splenda is KILLING me!!!

It seems as though everyone I meet has the "cure" to my fibro... "take this, try that, do this, don't do that"... All the suggestions have fallen on def ears because I have tried several things and things are not really working... it's become exhausting trying "this and that", which ultimately makes me feel worse because of the frustration! So a couple of months ago when my husband told me a lady said I should stop using Splenda I let that info go in one ear and out the other.  Besides, I love my splenda and it's made from real sugar.  I drink coffee like nobody's business, I need the energy I get from it.  Vitamin B just isn't enough!  If I don't drink coffee then I don't get through a day, good day or bad day!  (And, I don't like soda)... so yah, that info was just another one of those suggestions from someone who means well but just doesn't understand ME.  Fast forward to 2 days ago:  My husband who was obviously frustrated with my fibro started to lay it into me that I should stop with the splenda because it was the cause of ALL my problems {because some lady told him so}... so I was like "blah blah blah, whatever, don't you understand that EVERYONE has a cure for me BUT NOTHING WORKS in the end???"... So my husband googled Splenda, Fibromyalgia and a zillion links opened up!  As it turns out Splenda is made from real sugar BUT it's manufactured into: Sucralose (see below, information found @ http://www.truthaboutsplenda.com/resources/faqs.html )

What is Splenda made from?

Splenda is the trademarked name for sucralose, an artificial chlorinated sweetener that is formed when the hydroxyl groups in a sugar molecule are replaced with chlorine molecules. Sucralose is manufactured in a chemical plant in Alabama, and then a bulking agent is added to create Splenda. While the FDA has ruled that the chemical compound sucralose is not in itself toxic, there is no question that it is unnatural and is a highly-processed chemical artificial sweetener that depends on the presence of chlorine for its intense sweetness.

What is sucralose (Splenda)?

Sucralose is the final chemical compound created by the addition of chlorine atoms to sucrose molecules through a complex chemical reaction involving a number of highly toxic chemicals. Sucralose is not natural.

How is sucralose different from sucrose?

Sucrose is naturally produced from sugar beets or sugar cane. There is nothing natural or organic about sucralose. It is a chemical compound with a name similar to sucrose that helps to market the product. The similarity in names is extremely confusing to consumers.

Is the chlorine in Splenda any different than the chlorine used in swimming pools?

No. The same atoms of chlorine that are used in products to disinfect swimming pools are also found in Splenda. Those products are labeled as containing chlorine, and Splenda should be labeled as exactly what it is: a chlorinated artificial sweetener. Consumers have a right to know. 

Then I found this @ http://www.womentowomen.com/healthyweight/splenda.aspx :

Splenda side effects

Evidence that there are side effects of Splenda is accumulating little by little. Sucralose has been implicated as a possible migraine trigger, for example. Self-reported adverse reactions to Splenda or sucralose collected by the Sucralose Toxicity Information Center include skin rashes/flushing, panic-like agitation, dizziness and numbness, diarrhea, swelling, muscle aches, headaches, intestinal cramping, bladder issues, and stomach pain. These show up at one end of the spectrum — in the people who have an allergy or sensitivity to the sucralose molecule. But no one can say to what degree consuming Splenda affects the rest of us, and there are no long-term studies in humans with large numbers of subjects to say one way or the other if it’s safe for everyone.

As it turns out, I suffer from most of those side effects, especially  panic-like agitation, dizziness and numbness, muscle aches, headaches, intestinal cramping, bladder issues (Interstitial cystitis to be exact), and stomach pain.
Now, I am not saying I don't have Fibro, I do in fact believe I absolutely have fibromyalgia, I believe I have had it since I was fairly young.  BUT, after researching Splenda I believe that this has intensified all of my issues and CAUSED others including my gallbladder last year and my interstitial cystitis.
Now, to fully understand how much splenda I have consumed: I have used splenda for at least 6 years, I use it in my coffee and I even use it for baking.  I drink 2-4 coffees a day using 2 teaspoons in each drink unless it's a venti starbucks americano, then I use 3.  Since the manufacturers of splenda have not tested this product long term I am a human guinea pig! I also read that the manufacturers of splenda are banking that people don't use this product on a regular basis, only when they go out to eat and put it in their iced tea... not they way I do.  But hey, I thought I have been doing myself justice because if I do consume as much coffee as I do I might as well use sugar that has no calories, right?  Right!
On an added note, After my daughter was born I never seemed to get back to my "normal"... I have gradually gotten "worse" over the past 5 years.  It is SOOOOO possible that splenda has played a major factor in all of this!
You better believe that I will continue to research this!  As for you, if you use splenda or know someone who does, READ THIS: http://www.truthaboutsplenda.com/resources/faqs.html