Ugggg

It's been a while.  I'm not even sure where I left off, but the doc has me on medical leave again.  I went back to work and I ended up right back where I started, HURTIN BAD!  It was great to see everyone at work again and nice to be back in my office with hopes of everything being good... but... my body's reaction by the end of the week back was not so happy.  By the end of the week I was such a space case, I couldn't focus or keep track of things, I was zoning out at the computer screen not knowing what the heck was going on.  The sound of the school bells made me cringe in nauseating pain.  It took everything I had in me not to cry.  Monday morning I got up and got ready for work but by the time I got the kids going and Quinn to daycare I was so wiped out I called in sick to work.  Later that day I went in to the doctors... he gave me another diagnosis... PTSD and thinks that PTSD is causing my fibro to flare.  He sent me to another counselor to confirm.  The counselor confirmed PTSD and referred me to another place that does some sort of treatment using your eyes to get through the traumatic stuff, I guess.  I still need to go to that appointment.  When the doc suggested PTSD I was completely shocked!  That came from left field... but hmmmmm, it does make sense now that I think about it.  There was a situation last Fall where I felt as though I was responsible for the lives of some people being threatened, and after all was said and done my mind went through all the "what if's" and I still felt scared that something could still happen... Even now the sound of helicopters STILL put's me into an anxiety attack fast.  I guess I didn't get the help I needed afterwords so now I need to do something about it.  Ugggg.  I feel like such a misfit.  Like I said, I didn't realize it but I guess it makes sense now that I've had a week to think about it. 
Saturday we had a garage sale.  My boys did all the heavy stuff and I sat in a chair collecting quarters and whatnot.  Then Sunday we took Quinn to "Build-a-Bear" and Red Robin with our garage sale earnings for her 5th Birthday.  By the time Monday morning came I was practically crippled in pain and have been absolutely worthless since then.  I cannot have a conversation without thinking about the words I want to say and even then I say the word wrong, like someone who's had a stroke.  ... I was really hoping that things would be back to normal as soon as I went to work.  Looks like things are not that simple.... this is me, STILL trying to figure it all out.