Hopelessly Hopeful

I feel hopeless.  
But I am hopeful that things will work out. 
The past 6 years have been hard... My family and I have taken a lot of "hits".  We have had a ton of great times too... don't get me wrong.  I am very thankful.  But it seems that with all the "hits" we've taken it's brought me to where I am now.  6 years ago I had a really tough pregnancy, I was loosing weight because I couldn't even hold down a drop of water.  I ended up in and out of the hospital and then at home with nurses coming to my house every other day to change an IV site in my body.  I had to have medication pumping into my leg every 7 minutes to keep down all the nausea.  The medication was FedEx'd to me every couple of days on ice.  This was a hard-core pregnancy.  JC had to take care of everything, EVERYTHING.  I was SOOO sick.  Luckily, I had an easy labor and a beautiful healthy baby girl.  After that I never felt back to normal.  I would have good days and hard days, mostly fatigue and achy.  I think that pregnancy took a lot of me.  Then, in the last 3 years... I lost my Aunt.  She killed herself.  How can anyone really get over something as messed up as that, especially when you love them so much.  Then, I watched my Grandma die, I saw her take her last breath.  That moment was comforting because it was time, but the aftermath of it and going through all her belongings was mentally exhausting... but it was something I wanted to do.  We also short sold a house, bought a house, JC was laid off for several months... we have dealt with A LOT.  Working at the school there is always tragedy.  In the last 8 years I have experienced several heart breaking incidents.  Twins suffocating in a car, a child run over by a tractor, a child run over by a car, a child backed up-over by a car, a child who drowned, a disabled child who suffocated between the wall and her mattress... then all the other sad things you go through like custody battles and the woe's and storied you hear, children who are hurt or suffering but CPS feels differently... there is so much and with every episode it breaks me down a little more. It's been validated that with Fibromyalgia I am overly sensitive.  Over sensitive is a symptom.  I guess these are some of the things in the past few years that have brought me to where I am now.  Splat, on a solid brick wall, that is not budging.  I need talk therapy.  I can't find a therapist in the area who wants to listen to me talk... they all want to interrupt me and fix things.  There is nothing to fix from the past... I just want to talk about it.  Today I feel ok.  Today I feel like I'm making progress in my life with my new situation.  Still keeping things on my terms, that helps!  I am hopelessly hopeful.